On dating and proper dress code

For a few days, I am sharing my room with a colleague from another province, a university-educated woman in her twenties living in the southern province of Ghazni. She is a Hazara, a member of the ethnic group who has suffered the worst of the Taleban brutality and discrimination; long before the Taleban rule, however, the Hazara were considered second-class people, good only for working as servants and unqualified manual labourers. 

N. is a sweet, intelligent girl and a rebel in her own way. Although her sister was married off at 15, she has managed to persuade her parents to let her finish her studies. Now, at 23, she is engaged to a young man whom she likes and her parents sought her consent before closing the deal. She is one of the lucky few and she is able to talk to her fiance on the phone every day and even to meet him in person every now and then, when she travels to Kabul. She laughs as she tell me how they sometimes get questioned and chased out of restaurants and parks by the police when they go out alone. I think of all the stories I heard about young women being sent to prison for "moral crimes" which are often nothing much than talking to a man who isn't a mahram and I fear for my new friend. Even if her family knows and approves of their dates, they will not be able to save her without a hefty bribe if she is arrested on the whim of an over-zealous policeman. Although their engagement translates into more freedom to interact, it is not always a get-out-of-jail free card. 

One day, while staying here, N. bought a shirt she saw in the bazaar and took an instant liking to. It was bright purple and long, reaching to mid-thigh; more of a dress, really. She was going to wear it with pants, of course, as no proper Afghan lady would wear a dress, no matter how long, without pants underneath. But when she showed it to one of our male colleagues - one of the few she trusts (I'll get to that part later) - he told her it's inappropriate; too much of her legs were showing, especially if the pants were rather on the tight side. She asked me what I thought about it, probably knowing very well what my answer would be and that she couldn't take my opinion because I am foreign, but probably wanting to hear at least one positive word before giving up the shirt.

I tried to cheer her up, telling her that her husband will surely love it and she can wear it just for him after they get married - and even forgo the pants! She smiled sadly.

"I love it, but I cannot wear it", she said, breaking my heart.